


The one where Even isn't a stalker...

by Ye_Olde_Hedgehog



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Attempt at Humor, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 13:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17940884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ye_Olde_Hedgehog/pseuds/Ye_Olde_Hedgehog
Summary: There is a sad lack of coffee in this coffee shop au. Instead there is a bit of mutual pining and some very exasperated friends. Also a lot of poorly attempted humour. Sorry about that.





	The one where Even isn't a stalker...

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything since ffn was all the rage and am therefore trying to figure out how to post onto this place in preparation for next week's Big Bang. So this is basically 2000 words of formatting with the teeniest bit of plot. Ooops.
> 
> Also, it's not beta read. Sorry about that too. Here, have some added commas to use where needed.  
> ,,,,,,,,,,,,

”You’re staring again.”

Even tried to ignore Mikael. He wasn’t _staring_ , he was just… contemplating the coffee menu, okay? Not that he really liked coffee that much (tea? definitely the superior caffeinated beverage), but ordering over complicated hipster drinks awarded him more time at the counter - and counter time was important, because behind that counter was Oslo’s prettiest barista. And yes, Even had been doing extensive research on the subject so he knew his shit, thanks.

It had been just over three weeks since Even walked into Kaffebrenneriet to find a blond boy having a heated argument with the espresso machine, the only thing saving it from harm being his colleague sweeping in and bodily separating boy and machine. Even was in _love_.

Unfortunately it hadn’t taken him more than a few minutes to figure out that the two baristas were dating, and so he’d had to cancel all the imaginary wedding plans he’d made. And he’d been very attached to the idea of that white Tesla limo too, damnit.

On another note, no, he had no idea why his friends referred to him as overdramatic. _No_ idea. _At all._ Anyway…

“‘m not staring, just… trying to decide if I want a refill,” Even replied, not taking his eyes off the barist… coffee menu. Off the _coffee menu._ Jeez!

“Of course you are... So. Which one is it?” Mikael tilted his head and followed Even’s gaze, “As if I couldn’t guess.”

Even turned back towards the table and glared at Mikael.

“Why are you here again?” he asked, arms crossed, cheeks a rather fetching shade of pink.

“Well, watching you make a fool of yourself beats listening to Mutta and Adam complaining about their upcoming exams. Also, you owed me a hot chocolate.”

“Of course I did,” Even agreed with a resigned sigh. “ _Why_ did I owe you a hot chocolate, by the way?”

“Because I’m a loving, supportive friend who makes sure you don’t have to sit here by yourself, looking like the complete loser you are in front of your crush.”

“Right. Not really feeling the love and support at the moment,” Even objected and Mikael reached over and ruffled his hair, wide grin absolutely blinding.

”But you’re _my_ loser,” he added with feigned encouragement.

“Thank you. Really. You’re much too kind. Remind me why we’re friends again?”

“Because seven year old Even had excellent taste and decided to stalk little Mikael until he agreed to be BFFs for ever and ever? I mean, he made little Mikael pinky swear on it and everything.”

“Well, seven year old Even was obviously an idiot and should have been punished for his terrible decision making skills,” Even muttered darkly.

“And considering your terrible taste in coffee, nineteen year old Even’s decision skills haven’t improved much since. Anyway, just go over there and talk to him.”

“And say what, exactly? ‘Baby, I'm gonna treat you so nice you're never gonna wanna let me go’?”

“Quoting Pretty Woman now, Even? Really? You truly are the biggest drama queen I know.” There was a loud crash and an outdrawn ‘Eeeeeskild’ coming from behind the counter and Mikael rolled his eyes, “But only because I don’t know your spouse-to-be, apparently. He’s looking at you, by the way.

“He is?” Even spun around in the chair and caught Isak’s eyes before Isak looked away to smile unconvincingly at the customer in front of him. Tilting his head, Even admired Isak’s fake service smile. There were times when he thought it was a bit less fake when aimed at him - but that could also be the caffeine withdrawal speaking.

“Subtle. Very subtle,” Mikael muttered into his bowl of hot chocolate. “And what made you choose the seat with the back towards the counter anyway? I thought the whole reason you wanted to come here was to get in a full hour of uninterrupted staring?”

“I panicked, okay? I didn’t want Isak to think I’m stalking him.”

“You are, though,” Mikael pointed out.

“Small technicality. Also, _he_ doesn’t need to know that.”

“Well, with you turning around in that chair like a windmill on acid it won’t take long before he figures it out.”

Even was saved from replying by Eskild’s cheerful, “Hello, Jonas,” and he perked up at the sight of Isak’s best friend entering the shop. Past visits had taught him that Jonas could be relied on for entertainment and interesting insights into Isak’s life - and also, if they were really, really lucky...

A loud laugh was confirmation enough, and the next second Eva came bouncing through the door too.

“Hello, Isak, how’s things going with tall, blond a… oomph.”

Jonas had thrown his arm around Eva, efficiently covering her mouth with his hand. He smiled awkwardly in Even’s direction.

“Sorry about her, not enough coffee this morning.”

“Hi, Even,” Eva grinned at him from under Jonas’s arm. “Didn’t see you there. Ooops.” The last was directed at Isak who looked half mortified, half murderous.

“Oh, Eva, my favourite kitten, my sweet summerchild, don’t you know better than to talk about He Who Must Not Be Named to young Potter here. Remember that I’m the one who has to live with his grumpy little self,” Eskild mock admonished her.

Ignoring him, Eva walked over to where Even and Mikael were nursing their hot beverages.

“Hi, Even. Hi, person I don’t know,” she greeted them as she dragged a chair over and sat down. “So, Even. Tell me about yourself. Any girlfriends? Boyfriends? A dog?”

“Eva!!” Isak hissed, looking seconds from jumping the counter and dragging her away from the conversation.

Even looked over at where Jonas and Eskild were watching the scene with unbridled interest.

“Umm… yeah, no girlfriends. Nor boyfriends. I am on pretty good terms with the dust bunnies under the bed, but no other pets, no.” At her disappointed expression he offered, “My parents have two cats if that helps?”

Eva shrugged and continued with a look of dogged determination.

“Whatever. What’s your preference then, dick or vagina?”

“ _EVA!!_ ”

There was a very real risk of Isak having an aneurysm behind the counter so Even smiled at him, trying to project that it was fine. A bit surreal, but fine.

“I… don’t really have a preference I don’t think? I mean, if I like a person I’m fine with whatever body parts they come with. Or without.”

“‘Come with’, good choice of words there,” Eva giggled in approval. “Anyway, Isak over there is solely into dick. It used to be Jonas’s dick, but apparently those dark curls have lost their allure and it’s all about blondes now.”

Even looked over at the now resigned Isak.

“Blondes?” he repeated, dubiously eyeing Eskild’s none too blond fuzz.

“Yes, blondes. Well, this specific and very oblivious blond, really. And some of us really can’t take his stupid pining anymore, so…”

“Oh, God,” Isak croaked, turning his back to the disaster area just as Mikael leaned over and smiled widely at Eva.

“Isn’t that interesting? I myself have a friend who is into this certain dick, but he’s got it into his head that this specific dick is dating this other dick no matter how much I’ve tried to tell him that that dick seems more like a friendly dick without even a hint of benefits.”

Eva brightened at this.

“You don’t say? Because my friend who’s into this specific blond dick has got it into his head that this specific blond dick is only into vagina. Which obviously isn’t true, but try telling that to a stubborn teenage boy, amirite?” Eva looked wearily at Mikael who nodded his agreement.

“I know. And stubborn teenage boys are so _dramatic_ too. No one has ever suffered like they’re suffering, you know?”

Eva and Mikael grinned at each other, both happy to have found an ally. Isak and Even could only watch their bonding session with raising horror, Jonas and Eskild laughing like a flock of hyenas in the background.

“God, yes. You know, one time my friend who’s into this specific dick…”

Even decided that much as he liked dicks and talks about dicks, this was the time for him to escape this particular conversation. He carefully extracted himself from the chair and walked over to where Isak was hiding his face in his hands.

“This is the reason we rarely let her out among people,” Isak greeted him with a weak smile. “Also, I’m not taking the blame for Eva, I got her as a two for one because of Jonas.”

“Well, unfortunately I have to take full blame for Mikael. As he very recently reminded me, I actually befriended him by choice.”

“So…”

“So…” Even took a deep breath, eyes roaming Isak’s face. “I take it you and Eskild aren’t really…?”

“Oh no. No. God, no. He’s… well, he’s the big brother I never wanted and I love him to death the handful of times I don’t feel like killing him. But no. Not together. _Very much_ not together,” Isak assured him with an exaggerated shudder. “And you’re really…?”

“Pan? Interested? Available? Yes. Definitely. Very.”

“So would you maybe like to…?”

“Yeah. Yes. I would. Very much. When?”

“My shift ends in twenty, so maybe we could…?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, get on with it. I’m pretty sure I can manage these last… sixteen minutes and twenty seconds by myself, just get out of here before those two realise you’re destroying their elaborate plans for setting you up,” Eskild interrupted.

“You sure?”

Isak question was obviously just out of politeness as he was already untying his apron and eyeing the exit.

“Well, it’s not like you haven’t covered for me before when the opportunity to get laid have arisen, so yes, just go. And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Or… well, do. Whatever floats your boat, you know. Just… be safe, okay? No glove, no love, and all that.”

“Bye, Eskild,” Isak said hurriedly, practically dragging a sniggering Even away from the counter and out the door.

“So… wanna go for a coffee?” Even suggested once outside, laughing loudly at Isak’s unimpressed expression. “Okay, fine. No coffee, got it. Well, since my roommate is fully occupied dishing out all of my darkest secrets in there, how about we get a couple of pizzas and bring them back to mine?”

“Now I kinda want to stay and listen to those secrets, but… I mean, who says no to pizza?” Isak asked, teasing. Even had to concentrate hard so as not to reach out and trace the double lines at the edges of Isak’s wide smile.

“Not you,” he mumbled absentmindedly.

“Not me,” Isak confirmed.

“Right, so…” Even looked around, somewhat disoriented. Which way was home again? Ah, yes. “This way, then,” he said, turning around and walking off so fast that Isak had to break into a half run to catch up.

“Hey, not all of us are part giraffe, maybe slow down a bit there, Road Runner.”

“Road Runner?” Even huffed, mock offended.

“Well, if the long legs fit.”

“Road Runner? Really? Guess that’ll make you Wile E Coyote, then?”

Isak grinned at him.

“I’ve been called worse.”

“He’s cute, though.”

“Hm? Who?”

“The coyote. He’s cute. Like you.” Even’s subconscious did a metaphoric facepalm, wondering why he’d ever learned to talk in the first place.

“Ooookay, so... is this you coming out as a furry or is it just coyotes that’s your thing?” Isak asked, struggling to keep a serious face. “Because I definitely draw the line at wearing feathers.”

“‘was supposed to be a compliment,” Even pouted. “Just… I mean, you’re cute. And the Coyote is cute. Just not cute in the “your clothes would look nice on my bedroom floor” way.”

“And _I_ am?” Isak stopped and turned towards Even, mouth open in shock, hand splayed wide over his throat. “Even? Is this a _pizza and chill_ date? What kind of boy do you take me for? ”

“No, of course not, I didn’t mean it like…” He interrupted himself and glared at Isak. “You’re joking, aren’t you?”

Isak dropped his scandalised act, giggling with satisfaction at Even’s petulant expression.

“Come on, loverboy, let’s go get that pizza,” he smirked, winking at Even before resuming to walk. “We can discuss the chill part later.”

Even stared after him for a moment. Later. There was going to be a later. He nodded to himself before taking a couple of quick steps to catch up. Later? He could live with that.

 


End file.
